Hey, how ya doin'?

So those of you who actually know me know that I crack myself up. No big surprise there. But every once in a while something pops into my little pea-brain that I feel is funny enough to share with people outside of my head. Now, 99% of the time it turns out to be a freaking bad idea. But every once in a while something sticks with someone, or an idea that gets batted around turns into something fun for a few folks (FTG List, Balls, Animal/Food List, "What Do You Call A Quadriplegic who..." List, The Awesome Tattoo List, etc.) so I blurt crap out and see what people gather around.

Today's "Blurt Du Jour"...

So there's a build up for this one. I'm trying to come up with replies for when someone asks "how are you?" The scenarios in my mind include meeting up with someone you already know, or the beginning of a phone conversation, but I find it infinitely more funny to imagine these when you are meeting someone for the very first time. Those scenarios are playing out like this...

Hey Dean, I want you to meet my friend Franklin.

"Hi Franklin, nice to meet you."

"Hey Dean, how you doin'?"

(Insert absurd greeting here)

Get it? Okay, so far I've come up with...

"Hey Dean, how you doin'?"
- "Oh man, I'm so full that your kids are going to be born burping."

That was the one that made me start writing these down for some reason. Here's a few more...

"Hey Dean, how you doin'?"
- "Your mom. Oh, HOW am I doing? Ask your mom."

"Hey Dean, how you doin'?"
- "I'm devising a plan to turn fossil fuels into edible door knobs so that we can doom our planet by chewing our way into rooms."


"Hey Dean, how you doin'?"
- "I think I just burped up a pine cone."


"Hey Dean, how you doin'?"
- "I have absolutely no idea."


"Hey Dean, how you doin'?"
- "I'm busy. Ask me again later."


"Hey Dean, how you doin'?"
- "Whatever, I'm going over there."


"Hey Dean, how you doin'?"
- "Hungry for pizza and root beer. Why, you got any?"


"Hey Dean, how you doin'?"
- "I'm a little weirded out by that thing floating behind you. Did you see it? Hey, that's weird... every time you turn your head, it moves. That thing is weird."


"Hey Dean, how you doin'?"
- "You got any money?"


"Hey Dean, how you doin'?"
- "That's a little rude, don't you think?"

Yeah, I crack myself up. I could go all day with this.