So those of you who actually know me know that I crack myself up. No big surprise there. But every once in a while something pops into my little pea-brain that I feel is funny enough to share with people outside of my head. Now, 99% of the time it turns out to be a freaking bad idea. But every once in a while something sticks with someone, or an idea that gets batted around turns into something fun for a few folks (FTG List, Balls, Animal/Food List, "What Do You Call A Quadriplegic who..." List, The Awesome Tattoo List, etc.) so I blurt crap out and see what people gather around.
Today's "Blurt Du Jour"...
So there's a build up for this one. I'm trying to come up with replies for when someone asks "how are you?" The scenarios in my mind include meeting up with someone you already know, or the beginning of a phone conversation, but I find it infinitely more funny to imagine these when you are meeting someone for the very first time. Those scenarios are playing out like this...
Hey Dean, I want you to meet my friend Franklin.
"Hi Franklin, nice to meet you."
"Hey Dean, how you doin'?"
(Insert absurd greeting here)
Get it? Okay, so far I've come up with...
"Hey Dean, how you doin'?"
- "Oh man, I'm so full that your kids are going to be born burping."
That was the one that made me start writing these down for some reason. Here's a few more...
"Hey Dean, how you doin'?"
- "Your mom. Oh, HOW am I doing? Ask your mom."
"Hey Dean, how you doin'?"
- "I'm devising a plan to turn fossil fuels into edible door knobs so that we can doom our planet by chewing our way into rooms."
"Hey Dean, how you doin'?"
- "I think I just burped up a pine cone."
"Hey Dean, how you doin'?"
- "I have absolutely no idea."
"Hey Dean, how you doin'?"
- "I'm busy. Ask me again later."
"Hey Dean, how you doin'?"
- "Whatever, I'm going over there."
"Hey Dean, how you doin'?"
- "Hungry for pizza and root beer. Why, you got any?"
"Hey Dean, how you doin'?"
- "I'm a little weirded out by that thing floating behind you. Did you see it? Hey, that's weird... every time you turn your head, it moves. That thing is weird."
"Hey Dean, how you doin'?"
- "You got any money?"
"Hey Dean, how you doin'?"
- "That's a little rude, don't you think?"
Yeah, I crack myself up. I could go all day with this.
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Some Kind of Freaking Record...
So yeah...
Latest post: December 2012. One before that: December 2011. I would attribute it to involuntary hibernation, but I'm pretty sure I've done stuff I wanted to talk about since then, for the love of Pete.
I was checking this place out today when Robert (pronounced "row-BEAR!") wandered into my office and said he needed a head shot for something. So of course, I showed him my EJO picks and told him to use those. Apparently those just aren't good enough or something. I think I've never looked better before or since. Well, obviously since.
So yeah, in the 6 years or whatever that I haven't been here a lot has been going on. I'll get to a lot of it in other posts, and some I'll want to write about but will never get to, so shut up. Up yours.
Biggest thing, I guess, well, the most recent thing anyway, is I no longer work in the warehouse where I work. Now I'm in the office. Just to get things straight, I liked my job, just could not fucking stand the tards I worked with. Even when I was back there I knew we were dysfunctional and kind of a joke - leadership does not exist in that dojo. Nor does pride or any kind of work ethic. But I thought that nobody in the office really knew or even cared, so long as we got their stuff out the door. But no. They know. And care. The warehouse is a huge freaking joke in the office. Like, even more than it was for the one or two of us who actually gave a crap out there. But that's all I'll say about that. For now...
Being out of the warehouse and in the office does have it's downsides though. For instance, I have my door open and out of nowhere (i.e.: the hallway) a freaking fly flew in here. He's just all buzzing around like a dick, getting in my face and landing on stuff long enough for me to see him but not long enough for me to reach over and smash his face into oblivion. Flys can be dicks. Most bugs, actually. Dick bugs. I hates 'em.
So yeah... working with dicks who don't give a poop, or a fly. There's downsides to everything.
Latest post: December 2012. One before that: December 2011. I would attribute it to involuntary hibernation, but I'm pretty sure I've done stuff I wanted to talk about since then, for the love of Pete.
I was checking this place out today when Robert (pronounced "row-BEAR!") wandered into my office and said he needed a head shot for something. So of course, I showed him my EJO picks and told him to use those. Apparently those just aren't good enough or something. I think I've never looked better before or since. Well, obviously since.
So yeah, in the 6 years or whatever that I haven't been here a lot has been going on. I'll get to a lot of it in other posts, and some I'll want to write about but will never get to, so shut up. Up yours.
Biggest thing, I guess, well, the most recent thing anyway, is I no longer work in the warehouse where I work. Now I'm in the office. Just to get things straight, I liked my job, just could not fucking stand the tards I worked with. Even when I was back there I knew we were dysfunctional and kind of a joke - leadership does not exist in that dojo. Nor does pride or any kind of work ethic. But I thought that nobody in the office really knew or even cared, so long as we got their stuff out the door. But no. They know. And care. The warehouse is a huge freaking joke in the office. Like, even more than it was for the one or two of us who actually gave a crap out there. But that's all I'll say about that. For now...
Being out of the warehouse and in the office does have it's downsides though. For instance, I have my door open and out of nowhere (i.e.: the hallway) a freaking fly flew in here. He's just all buzzing around like a dick, getting in my face and landing on stuff long enough for me to see him but not long enough for me to reach over and smash his face into oblivion. Flys can be dicks. Most bugs, actually. Dick bugs. I hates 'em.
So yeah... working with dicks who don't give a poop, or a fly. There's downsides to everything.
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