ZOO!!

Went to the Portland Zoo today, and a ball-rocking time was had!! Okay okay okay, I know there are those of you who feel that zoos are more akin to orphanages/prisons than anything else, but this particular zoo at least claims to be about conservation and all that kind of hippie crap. Sure, most of them do, but it being Oregon I tend to believe them a little bit more than one in, say, Arizona or something.

Not the zoo entrance.

GF got the tickets online, which apparently means we don't have to pay for parking either. That's $2 in our pockets! See? The zoo saves us money!

He wasn't this blurry on the booklet.

So this cute as balls thing is looking all regal on the map-thing and I get all excited. I love the kitties. I could watch exotic kitties all day. I was looking forward to seeing this thing. Look at that little face! If I didn't know that he would maim me beyond comprehension, I'd want to snuggle that little face for hours, then feed him ice cream and sing show tunes into his face at full volume. That'd get him in a wrastlin' mood, I betcha!

Bear playing with a tree.

First of all, I think it's awesome that this relatively little bear decided to uproot a tree and play with it. He had a buddy not far from him that was way more into napping. But this guy was making the tree do all kinds of flippies and stuff. Kyoot.

Then we came across this sign...

Notice how it says nothing about being careful that a bear might fall on you.

So I glance up, see nothing, and go about my business of noticing how I can see my breath at 9:30am on an atypically sunny day. Then I notice people ahead of me looking up. So I look too.

Bear in a tree.

I don't think you understand what I'm saying... BEAR IN A TREE!

So yeah, about 20 feet above our heads, there was this cubby-buddy hanging out up a freaking tree. I mean, he was way the crap up there! But just remember that the sign said that he does this all the time and is perfectly safe. Again, I wasn't really worried about him as much as I was about the possibilities of this thing deciding to take a cue from his pal the flying squirrel. That's all I need is a freaking bear swooping all over me. Death from above - whatever.

Can you call something that never had hair in the first place "bald?"

This dude was all kinds of stoic. I snapped a few pics of him hoping that at least one would turn out okay. He kind of looks weird-beaky in this one. Hooky-beak or something. Whatever, he's smarter and wiser than I so I bow to him in reverence.

Angry looking turtle staring into my soul.

There were other critters and varmints running around in their unnatural habitats looking grateful for the rare sunshine.

Happy looking owl who was apparently blind. Still awesome.

Some of the habitat huts had some cool things in them. One had life-sized elephant-uglies (you know what I'm talking about) in small boxes so I avoided that one because my life actually did depend on it.

Um... ducks.

This is Frank and Benjamin. They were pretty cool. Their wives were wandering around about 10 feet to the right of here. The only reason I remember that their names are Frank and Benjamin is because I had the foresight to have GF do this...

100 = Frank and Benjamin.

Don't ask me why the one duck's name is Frank and not Franklin. I tend to go for Franklin more often than not when I'm naming things. This just proves to me that Frank and Benjamin were their actual names and they telepathically transmitted this information to me because they thought I was cool. Thanks, ducks!

Not team Jacob. Team Awesome.

There were 3 wolves. Two whiter ones walking around all irritated, and this guy who was just laying there at first, then got up and started staring off into the distance for no reason. Then we noticed two dorks wandering around the hillside behind the wolf pen. If it were up to me I would have let these guys go play with those tards. I'll take wolves over people any day.

Poser.

This guy seriously jumped up on this barrel right when we walked up. He was trying to divert my attention away from the awesomness that was right next door to him...

CHICKENS!!!!!!!!

Fearful of the sun.

Midget chickens.

Seriously, that little herd of chickens were all maybe six inches tall. Too cute. I wanted to take them home, but then remembered that we have two cats. It would have gotten kinda messy.


Saw some pagoons, but they were being transplanted to a different habitat while their normal habitat was being fitted with an x-box or something. The pictures came out blurry so I'm not uploading them because this page will probably already take about an hour to load up on your machines. You're welcome.

I will, however, upload this...

yup

Polar bear junk. Okay, here's a bunch of pics...

GF = 0.5 polar bear. Pink-hatted dwarf-chewer retreats in mortal fear.

Phyllis Diller Pig

Breeder.

 This woman really wanted to be in about half a dozen of my pictures. I figured I'll make her day and post one of them that she got into so she can point herself out to her friends at home. I didn't know I had such crazed fans!

Have I ever mentioned that elephants are GFs favorite creatures ever? They are.

 

That's a little baby with a couple of huges. feeding time, I reckon.

Mastodont = Metal

And yeah, it said "mastodont." I don't know why, and I'm too tired to look it up.

Evil god or cute hat?

Ball rocker supreme.

 This dude was all kinds of speedy. We took about a thousand pictures and maybe two came out where he wasn't just a blur of spots and eyes. Ocelot. Animal kingdom-speak for "hells yes!"

It's a baby... thing.

 Yeah, don't remember what that thing was, but there were two of them and they were cuter than you. Sleepier too.

So I was beginning to lose hope of seeing the cat thing on the map, then I turned a corner and saw this...

Eeeeaaarrrsss!!!!!!!!

Yup, there he was. All kinds of awesome, but not wanting to have anything to do with my picture-takingness. I had decided that this picture was good enough and went into some other exhibit, only little did I know that said exhibit actually looped around and I got to see this...

Buddy!!!!

 That right there is a freaking buddy. Check him out. I loves the kitties and this dude was kitty supreme. It's called a "caracal" for some reason. I want one.

Hipposlugs. Actual size.

Why the long neck?

 This thing was so dainty and delicate that it almost defied logic. Look at it, it can't be much to eat. But it's pretty.

I didn't realize until just now that his tongue is sticking out. Defiance!

 I forget what these things were called. Wait, I think I took a picture of the sign... it's a "duiker" which is apparently pronounced "dye-ker" or something. Sounds made up. But it was cute in a weird pea-goat kind of way.

Negative

Percher.

And that last guy there we found on our way out.

So that was our trip to the zoo. Ummm... yeah it was awesome. Can't wait to go back, although I think next time I'll pass on the $8 grilled cheese sandwich. If they had had one on display, I would have much rather had a gibbonburger or something.